The Art of True Friendship 

Since I’ve existed on this planet, and since I’m an only child, friends have always been very important to me, and that’s why I feel that it’s an interesting topic to discuss!

So let’s start with the definition of the word “friendship”:

According to Britannica.com, friendship is a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all culture, friendships are important relationships throughout a person’s life span.

What stands out for me in this definition is the word intimacy. Intimacy to me has to do with an emotional bond that exists forever between two people. However, the challenge is to allow yourself to become vulnerable, to trust that it’s safe to do so, and that you won’t be taken advantage of.

When you are intimate, you no longer have secrets. Everything is in the open, you get to know everything about that person--the good, the bad, and the ugly. You get to hear about their childhood experiences, their traumas, their aspirations and their dreams. The beauty about these disclosures is that there are no judgements whatsoever. You experience a true unconditional acceptance and love of who they are. In this relationship, your choice...and ultimately your commitment…is to care about their well-being, and to encourage them to be the best they can be.

Does it sound like a marriage? Maybe, but without the paperwork and obligation!

Now, in contrast, let’s talk about having a superficial friend instead of a true friend.

“Fair weather friend” is what it’s often called!
 It’s when the relationship doesn’t run deep and you only end up with a shallow connection, where the themes of conversations are the weather, the parties, gossip, travel, the latest fashion, popular Netflix series, and current events, void of any discussion of deep true feelings or real-life challenges. Needless to say, there is no emotional support in this relationship.

What about Toxic friendship? Hopefully you never had to experience that in your life.

These are the” real fake friends”…people who may appear kind, caring, loving, and interested in you. In reality, though, they are manipulative and only care about themselves and what they can get from you. It is a one-way street!  And be aware! They might even betray you, or plot to harm you out of jealousy and insecurity.

I feel very lucky that I have never experienced any toxic friendships, and I feel blessed to have had amazing friends in my life. And of course, as you know, true friends are few and far between. I can honestly say I have 3 women friends who I can count on and who are in my life forever.  My oldest friend, Martine, who I met in high school in Cannes at the age of 14 and who I visit every year. Lucky for me, she bought an amazing house known as a “Mas Provencal” perched on a hill 30 minutes away from Cannes.

I have my friend Janet from LA, who I met in my 20’s when I moved to NY and who worked as a realtor for the Corcoran Group. She introduced me to Barbara Corcoran, who gave me a testimonial when I had my first book published.  And last, but certainly not least, Marie Therese, an amazing artist who I met in my 40’s at the gym where I was teaching La Nouvelle Yoga and La Nouvelle Workout, and who I often visit in NY.

Since I am an only child, I always craved deep friendships, especially women who I considered to be my sisters.

Sometimes these long-term friendships become like family, and sometimes even better than family! As the expression has it “You can choose your friends but not your family” and that’s the value of long term friends. Of course, new friends are great too, and I am blessed to have wonderful ones who I met 15 years ago when I moved to Florida and who have been great at offering me a fresh perspective in my life.

One last thing I want to share about true friendship: it’s an art and we need to cultivate and tend those friendships if we want them to last. No one can be taken for granted and we need to evolve and adjust with each passing year. A month ago, I had the chance to attend a Longevity Conference, and I will never forget what was said about the importance of Social Relationships, especially as we age. Isolation was considered more dangerous than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day! What needs to be added is that isolation is not just a problem for older people, but also for the younger generation whose obsession with social media has become the  major obstacle  to intimacy and vulnerability. The good news is that we have entered the age of Aquarius and it’s time for all of us to imagine the world like the one in the Broadway show “Hair” and he lyrics of The 5th Dimension’s “Let the Sunshine In.”

« Many people will walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart»

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Stay tuned for my next Victory News “The art of creating healthy boundaries.”

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